Mr Stand-Offish

MR stand-offish

Dear Auntie Twist,

I'm a seventeen year old boy and I've recently got my first girlfriend. Things are great when we are together in private, but I get really stressed when we go out in public as I'm not a touchy-feely sort of person. I hate it when I see other couples in public going at it outside and it just makes me feel uncomfortable.

I'm worried. How do I explain to my girlfriend that I'd rather not display affection in public?

From

Mr Stand-Offish

Dear Mr Stand-Offish,

Firstly, when you say “going at it outside”, I wonder exactly where you're hanging around! I'll assume that you're talking about people blurring the line between PDA (Public Displays of Affection) and out-right baby-making!

The Way I See Things is that most people like to keep their private lives private. Yes, we've all had to stifle back a gag or two when bypassing tweens sucking face outside McDonalds, but they are the minority and you are no longer a tween. So, the odds are in your favour that your girlfriend feels the same way that you do on that score. If she doesn't then approaching her about it will take tact.

I wouldn't approach the subject by saying that you don't want to show her any affection in public at all! Part of being in a relationship is presenting yourself to the world as a couple. That doesn't mean you have to start getting hot and heavy in the streets, but holding hands, a quick peck on the cheek and so forth shouldn't be a big deal. The Way I See Things is that if you're with the right person, then you should do your utmost to make that person feel loved. If you refuse to acknowledge that you feel any affection for this girl, then she might start to feel like you're ashamed or embarrassed to be seen as her boyfriend. We ladies are often quick to think the worst about ourselves.

Overall, I'd suggest you consider what levels of affection you feel comfortable with. Maybe you could rate certain things on a scale of 0-10!

The PDA Gag-worthiness scale.

If you treat her like a zero, that's how she'll feel. If you think you'd be comfortable with a five, then stick to hand holding and a quick peck. If she wants to turn the PDA up to 10, then tell her that you don't want to cheapen the relationship by flaunting it for all to see. If she can't accept that, then it's time to let her go and have her face-sucking fun with someone else, while you find a more private and fulfilling relationship elsewhere.

With love from Auntie Twist x