Mr Stand-Offish

MR stand-offish

Dear Auntie Twist,

I'm a seventeen year old boy and I've recently got my first girlfriend. Things are great when we are together in private, but I get really stressed when we go out in public as I'm not a touchy-feely sort of person. I hate it when I see other couples in public going at it outside and it just makes me feel uncomfortable.

I'm worried. How do I explain to my girlfriend that I'd rather not display affection in public?

From

Mr Stand-Offish

Dear Mr Stand-Offish,

Firstly, when you say “going at it outside”, I wonder exactly where you're hanging around! I'll assume that you're talking about people blurring the line between PDA (Public Displays of Affection) and out-right baby-making!

The Way I See Things is that most people like to keep their private lives private. Yes, we've all had to stifle back a gag or two when bypassing tweens sucking face outside McDonalds, but they are the minority and you are no longer a tween. So, the odds are in your favour that your girlfriend feels the same way that you do on that score. If she doesn't then approaching her about it will take tact.

I wouldn't approach the subject by saying that you don't want to show her any affection in public at all! Part of being in a relationship is presenting yourself to the world as a couple. That doesn't mean you have to start getting hot and heavy in the streets, but holding hands, a quick peck on the cheek and so forth shouldn't be a big deal. The Way I See Things is that if you're with the right person, then you should do your utmost to make that person feel loved. If you refuse to acknowledge that you feel any affection for this girl, then she might start to feel like you're ashamed or embarrassed to be seen as her boyfriend. We ladies are often quick to think the worst about ourselves.

Overall, I'd suggest you consider what levels of affection you feel comfortable with. Maybe you could rate certain things on a scale of 0-10!

The PDA Gag-worthiness scale.

If you treat her like a zero, that's how she'll feel. If you think you'd be comfortable with a five, then stick to hand holding and a quick peck. If she wants to turn the PDA up to 10, then tell her that you don't want to cheapen the relationship by flaunting it for all to see. If she can't accept that, then it's time to let her go and have her face-sucking fun with someone else, while you find a more private and fulfilling relationship elsewhere.

With love from Auntie Twist x

Social Butterfly

Social Butterfly

Dear Auntie Twist,

I hope you decide to answer my email as nobody else on the internet seems to want to give me any advice.

I really like this girl in school but I don't know how to approach her. My friends say that I should just friend her on Facebook but I've only talked to her a few times and I don't know whether she'll think I'm creepy.

I've looked at her facebook and she has loads of friends. Some of them are guys and I feel really jealous when I see conversations between her and them.

She's really extroverted while I'm kind of introverted. I'm okay looking and we're both 15.

What should I do?

From

A Social Caterpillar.

Dear Social Caterpillar,

You strike me as a bright lad. For one thing, I work with plenty of adults who wouldn't know how to use “extroverted” in a sentence. The problem bright, young things often have is that you can tend to over-think things and when you start doing that, before you know it, molehills has become mountains!

I've got a bunch of people on my Facebook who I met at meetings or on courses. I've got people on my Facebook who I've never met, except for in the Twitterverse! These days, the Facebook friend request is a natural, simple step that shouldn't be weighty.

The Way I See Things, why not go for it? Just don't let the digital world be a substitute for real life. Why not say hi to her in person? You seem shy, but you admit to being “okay looking” and you're a smarty-pants to boot! Just...maybe don't repeat the part about looking at her Facebook and reading her conversations. I can understand your envy of the guys who've already struck up the courage to friend this girl, but getting possessive of a girl you like-from-a-distance but don't really know yet is a wee bit creepy.

With love from Auntie Twist x

My Handsome Stranger

My Handsome Stranger

Dear Auntie Twist,

There's this guy... isn't there always? We met at a party my cousin threw a while back and I felt like I'd been struck by lightning. It was like some cheesy movie. He stared at me and I stared at him and after a really long time I sort of remembered where I was and started talking to my friends (who I'd been ignoring while I drooled). So anyway, the conversation turned to GCSEs and I was stressing about my results when the guy came up behind me and said he thought I looked clever enough not to have to worry about those things. Then he was gone again.

I next saw him at an engagement party where there was a lot of dancing and mingling. Lightning hit again. I looked up to see him walking towards the dance floor. He actually stopped in his tracks when our eyes met. I'm not the kind of pretty that stops guys in their tracks. I'm average, at best. I was with my family and didn't see him again at the party.

The next time I saw him was a few days ago at another family gathering (he's my cousin's husband's best friend). I literally bumped into him as I walked into my aunt's kitchen and I dropped a pie. I cut my thumb as I was trying to pick up the bits of smashed plate, while at the same time trying my best to not sound like a complete moron for dropping a pie on his shoes. Well, he helped me pick everything up and then took one of the serviettes on the buffet table and held it on my cut thumb for ages. Again with the lightning.

Well, anyway. Just as he was about to say something, a girl walks into the kitchen and introduces herself as his girlfriend! I know it sounds stupid, we've only exchanged a handful of words and we only see each other at family parties, but still I feel crushed. I can't stop thinking about this guy and I feel like he feels something for me, too. What do I do, Twist?

From

Lightning Struck x

Dear Lightning Struck,

This sounds like it comes from the start of a YA romance novel! The lightning, the silent stranger, the conflict-keeping-you-apart. You've got the whole shebang! Unfortunately, if life and love were as simple as some books make it seem, then I would never have had a reason to start this column.

You're in dangerous territory. You and your silent suitor might have sexual chemistry, but you have no way of knowing whether it could be anything more than that because, frankly, you don't know anything about this guy. He might have a penchant for singing Justin Bieber songs in the shower. Maybe he pulls the wings of flies and enjoys stirring them into his coffee. Maybe he has a hairy back! You don't know.

Pursuing a fella who is in a relationship is never a good idea. No matter how it pans out, somebody is bound to get hurt. It might be you, it might be him, it might be his innocent girlfriend.

Relationships should always begin with honesty. If he's willing to mess his current girlfriend around, maybe he'd be willing to do the same to you. I'm not saying that you should avoid this guy forever, but The Way I See Things is that you need to keep your feet firmly on the ground whenever you are in his presence. Remember that getting struck by lightning bolts of lust might be harmless in fiction, but in the real world, lightning bolts hurt a whole bunch!

With love from Auntie Twist x